hmmm, its like 430 am and i can't sleep...my poor husband who already works so hard, had to go to work a few hours earlier this morning so that is one of the reasons for not being able to sleep. i guess i have something on my mind....i have mixed feelings on whether or not to void past due child support that I am entitled too according to law..
short summery of my story for those who don't know....i became a mother to my son right out of highschool.....the father i sorta kept a secret to those who didnt already know who he was...reason being was of many....i never pursued child support because i didn't want him in his life... but when josh was about 7 or 8 years old and asking alot of questions and i really needed help financially...with friends and family telling me i ought to, i checked into child support and after many months and blood tests, i filed for child support...the courts only required him to pay $103 a month and that didn't even start till he was 8 i believe. the sad thing was he wouldn't or couldn't even pay that....i remember one time when he got to be about $3,000 behind, he was made to show up at court....the judge was gonna put him in jail if he didn't pay up....i think...... with the nice person i was i agreed to half of the money and the judge let him skip jail...that is really all i ever got from him..i will admit i got a 20 dollar bill VERY far and few inbetween....i sadly remember getting a $1.53 for a monthly child support payment one month...that didn't even pay for his school lunch....omg...
well now i am married to a wonderful man who has been the father to both josh and karlie for ten years. I pretty much gave up on ever getting money from mike for josh...i mean he is like19 years old now and since then he is the father of a baby girl who just turned one....him and the mother katie are not togeather but he helps as much as he can, because he does not have a set job. soooooo i look at josh and his daughter and his inability to pay monthly...although he does give when he is working and katie will ask me if alyssa is in need of anything....i am a very active grandmother in her life.
sooo here i am today...i get my little reminders thru the mail showing how much child support i have received for the previous 3 months....and what does it say .....$0000 so one day i call them and tell them to just save the cost of paper and stamps that i am aware that i don't get that money....and don't ever see me getting it....well to my suprise the father comes to visit me at my job....he gives me the story that if i dont send a letter to say that i wont or don't want to pursue child support he will loose his license and wont be able to work.....then if he don't work ..how will he pay....so i write a letter and i am sure to say in the letter.....AT THIS TIME, i am not interested in pursueing child support..well that letter didn't work.....he is now asking me to write another letter and fax it with my driver license....he tells me that they already got his license taken because he owes back child support for his other children and you know...the sob story is given...and i do feel bad..and i am trying to do whatever to help ....but now i am at a standstill on what to do......he has made many bad choices in life that has landed him in jail and fights the battle of drugs..he is doing well in life from what i hear....but the question is... do you keep kicking a dog when its down....how do you get money from someone who can't/wont work without a driver license cause he is a logger and that is all he knows.....and all the money he has in his equipment comes from his mother....so if i pursue child support...it would be mikes parents who would have to pay...hell they have paid for everything so far.....but on the other hand....my goodness how i struggled to raise josh without help....if it wasn't for my family it would have been real bad..and then i look at all these other mothers who get sooo much child support paid monthly....doesn't seem fair....i also see guy friends who have soo much money taken from their checks for the mother of their children who don't work....and then i know of men who go to jail for a few days till they catch up child support .... its just not fair.... i have people in one ear that say I need to let the system get me the money...then i think if i did get the money, i would use it for my grandaughter alyssa....you know i just have mixed feelings...so that is why i have just blotted down what is on my mind and heart. i am open to what you think......
UPDATE 2/2/11
well, I did pray about this and i appreciated all the input of your thoughts....I ended up writing and faxing one last letter to close out the case. In the letter I wrote that I hope he feels led to do the right thing and pay off his debts to his parents, me and anyone else who has bailed him out for sooo many years. After I faxed the letter, I felt peace inside....yes I wish I had the money..we can all use money but like I stated in the letter, I just hope he continues to be the changed person he says he is and works hard like a man is supose to..and most of all I hope he doesn't let his family down..I just know that if I didn't write the letter, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing that his parents, who has all their money tied into equipment could just be gone for what...their son's bad decisions again....that wouldn't be fair to them.....I will end with this.....a parents love is awsome...all parents do the very best they can...but at one point you have to let go....have to stop giving in...stop bailing them out....let them fall on their face....Josh left home sooner than I was ready...he really tested me......lots of heartbreak from his poor decisions...but in the end...I was always there for him.....I also stayed to my word when I told him I couldn't help someone who can't help theirself....that if he couldn't follow my rules that I couldn't give in.....tough love is the hardest thing in the world and let me tell you....those few years I had to live it was very tough...I about broke myself....thank god I had karlie to keep me wanting to live and continue in life because Josh really tried me.....I had to overlook other peoples opinions because I didn't want to be the parent that would keep bailing him out when he became an adult...I tried so hard, and wanted so bad for him to prove people wrong, that just because of who his father was didn't mean he would take the same paths he did....I wanted that more than anything in this world...so for the lessons we have learned togeather by the knowledge of others mistakes....i am thankful for what the Lord has given me......I love my son for who he is, he has a very big heart and so very talented in many areas.......I finally see him taking more steps forward than backwards....I just keep reminding myself their is light at the end of the tunnel.....God works in mysterious ways.
I think we was trying to make use of the chop sticks because we was not very good using them to eat with....
